Beauty of the Beast
by Sylla Shadowfrost
Summary: Trees have dropped their leaves, clouds their waters and all this beauty is killing me Vakamaoneshot. Kinda random


**I have written this because at Thanksgiving, by cousin (who is TOTALLY AWESOME. WARSHIP HER!!XD ok, don't do that) got me into a band called Nightwish. Really good band-symphonic metal anyone? Anyway, there was this one song call beauty of the beast-and I am now in love with that song. So here it is. Enjoys.**

**I don't own Bionicle, or this song.**

**Warning: AUish, not really following ANY story line or plot.**

**Beauty of the beast. Nightwish I don't own Bionicle either.**

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I have wandered this land for a long time-thousands upon thousands of years. I have seen the rise and the fall of cities, civilizations. I have seen hero's rise to power, and I have seen them slain in battle. 

It's a pity, I always think, as I simply walk away. I cannot do anything to help them-so I must leave. That is the way it has always been for me. I have seen many things young one-so many things. I have seen the aura of the Stars, I have seen the spray of water fly into the air, and the rainbows that form because of that. I have seen the magic of the winter, though I do not like it. I have seen the glimmer of hope and awe in a child's eye, over something so simple.

I have seen the rarest of things go to waste. I have seen good Toa fall, I have seen menaces die deservingly. I have seen what hate can do to someone. I have seen the purest of loves. I have felt the cold bite my skin, I have felt betrayal, and pain.

I have lived though I loss I wish sometimes I didn't. I still feel the pain some days, when it rains.

Rain is no longer how beautiful as it use to be. It is black and harsh, not at all like it was when my love lived. Not in the least. Trees are blackened and scorched from fires and taint.

They are dying, slowly dying. I have never seen this before, and it is something that I wish I had not. Mata Nui is not dying, I know, but his land that he had worked so hard to create, is most defiantly dying.

And soon, all of it's people. And I have watched the thousands of years pass. I have watched some of the Matoran I knew when I was younger die, and their son's and daughters, along with their granddaughters and grandsons.

It is a thing that I wish I had not seen. I am cursed-and blessed with this immortality. And even if I cannot die physically, everything I have seen…it is killing me in the metaphoric sense that I no longer FEEL.

_Trees have dropped their leaves,  
Clouds their waters  
All this burden is killing me_

I have wandered for long years, far, far away from my home. I have not returned, in all these years since I left, but I doubt it still is in it's former glory-if standing at all.

Many years have passed as I have wandered, and many, many kio's I have traveled, long, dusty path. I have left my home far, far behind me, for it is something that I cannot bear to be in the presence of anymore.

Perhaps, if I was stronger, I could have stood there, on Metru Nui's shores, and smiled. Perhaps if I was stronger, I could go back to where her grave is. I could go back, and sit there, and see if anything that I ever knew still stands.

But I'm not that strong-I never was. She told me over and over that I was, but in the end, I'm not who she thought I was. I wish I was, I wish I was that strong. That I could go back, and touch her grave, and talk to her.

Remember all of those times we shared, all of those time that all of us shared. Our unity, and strength-or tears and laughter. I wish I could go back and remember it all. Remember how beautiful the towers in Ta-Metru look, or how truly breath taking the water falls of Ga-Metru were.

I remembered them in my mind, but they were faded and distant. They were some things that I missed so much. All the beauty around me, in this one place, it's like a sanctuary. I have never been here, but it feels like home.

I know I'm close to Metru Nui now, I remember where it was in my bones. I had to come back you see, I just had to.

But this, I fear is all the closer I can get without breaking and fleeing. But Mata Nui, this place is amazing. It would have been a good home.

Vast, lush jungles, volcano's, canyons and deep tunnels, huge mountains of ice and snow. It was like the whole place had in mind what the Matoran would have needed. The beaches were not of protodermis, like the ones on Metru Nui-they were not gold sands, but white, and the sea was not a silvery color-but a deep, gem like blue.

Pain shoots though me at the sight, and I must close my eyes to stop the tears. The sea is the color of her eyes, her beautiful eyes.

_Distance is covering your way,  
Tears your memory  
All this beauty is killing me_

I slumped down to the sand, and rested one hand over my eyes, and forced back the tears. I had sworn not to shed these tears. She hadn't wanted me to suffer.

I should be like this…It wasn't the way she wanted me to be. She would want me to be glad, enjoy the time I had until this world died and fell apart.

I still love her, even though all of the years, I've never forgot her face. I still care for her, more than anything. But I cannot reach her-for she is dead and I am not.

But I long to see her, and I will wait for the day when I do see her again, and I die. I do not fear death anymore.

Not when I know that she will be waiting. I would accept it, if only it was given to me.

_Oh, do you care,  
I still feel for you  
Oh, so aware,  
What should be lost is there_

I don't know why I came back, why I'm trying to gather the courage to walk though my old home. I don't know if I feel guilty for leaving, and maybe coming back will help me repent.

Maybe I wish to find someone, anyone, and ask for their forgiveness. Maybe I think that will help me, and that it will ease my guilt. Maybe I think that it will help ease the pain that I've carried. Maybe I think that doing so will stop it, and heal the hole in me heart.

Part of me longs for that to happen, but I do not believe it will do so. And in someways, I guess I still want to feel that pain. It reminds me that my past was not just a dream. That Metru Nui, when I wander far away from it, was not just a dream of my mind. That everyone I knew there, that I loved there were simply not figments of my imagination.

Maybe I just want to see, if there is anyone left there, of my old home. I may not know them, but at least it will help. It will not be easy- no journey I have made after all these years ever was. But I will face it, because, quite frankly, I have no choice.

I walk on, and it all seems like a dream coming back to life. I can see myself, when I was younger, standing on these same shores, along with my teammates, and the other girl we had found, long ago.

Nuju had always been fond of her I remember. My companions had found her when they had been captured by the Vahki-she was in the cell with Lhikan. I don't really remember her name anymore, but she was a quiet girl. Sayta, perhaps…or was it Siahta? Oh, but I remember her and Nuju…ah, my Ice brother loved her so dearly.

It was such a shame, I thought, inhailing and remembering the bitter feeling known as loss. She had died early-killed by a Dark Hunter, long, long ago.

Long before any of my brothers even thought of dying. I will always smile though, at those memories.

Of when such friendship and love was strong. When we all had such faith in love, and faith that we would see another again, after death.

When I believed I would find Nokama after death. When we were hero's and we faced our destiny, with high hopes.

_I fear I will never, never find anyone  
I know my greatest pain is, is yet to come  
Will we find each other in the dark  
My long lost love_

The tunnels down to the City are dark, bleak and cold.

I don't really mind, for fire casts away the shadows, and most of the cold. I wonder what Metru Nui willl look like after all these years.

If anyone is left that is.

I hope, in someways, that there is someone left in the City. I walk the tunnels, that wind down into the city, and I wonder if anyone even knows about these tunnels anymore. I shift the pack that I wear slightly, uncomfortable with it's weight.

It seems more and more often that there are aches I get. I am old, is the reason I suppose. I don't remember how old-age is something that doesn't really matter to you after all these years.

The only thing matters, is how long you're going to keep living.

_One More Night To Live_

I'm walking though the streets that once were so familiar to me. I know that they were, because, somehow, my feet lead me down them, ignoring the cracks in the road, and the dust, and I didn't even bother to check to for signs. T

his place, this city was safely away from the rest of the world, and it seemed almost eerily preserved. Though, I do have to admit, that there was no way that the roads were preserved, but the buildings stood tall, looming and deathly silent, not a single one fallen from the decay of time.

No one was left. My own footsteps seemed to be the only thing that echoed though the city. So everyone was gone, I mused, a melancholy feeling creeping in as I walked though the streets of what I could only assume was Ta-Metru.

The forges were huge, and even now, made an impression on me. I smiled slightly at the memories, but again, started on. I was here for one thing, and I would visit the other things, once I did so. But first things first. It was saddening to me, to a degree. This place had been my home, and now, it was simply gone. Like everything else, it was simply dead. I walked on, and eventually the forges that lined the sky faded away, and changed into temples, schools and labs.

Damns started to crisscross though the ground, and even now, the silver water ran though them, glittering softly, the soft hush of the water gliding down the damns blending with his footsteps, the only two noises that I had heard.

Then, suddenly there was a distant rumbling of thunder. I sighed, but ignored it. A storm was coming. How fitting. I turned again on another street, again, to see an all too familiar sight. The aching in my heart again increased, but I forced it away.

I had no choice, I had to do this. I needed to do this.

_Safely away from the world  
In a dream, timeless domain  
A child, dreamy eyed,  
Mother's mirror, father's pride_

It was quiet again, and even my footsteps were muffled, and silent.

No birds sang, and no wind blew. But again, the thunder clashed, ripping though the silence, as I gazed down at the one stone I had been looking for. Hers.

It was her grave, and I remember it as if I had seen it only yesterday. How could I forget? I had to see her buried, layed down into the earth. I visited this place, knelt here almost everyday until I could take it no longer, and in my cowardance, fled.

The thunder's clashing again, and this time, I'm aware of the streak of lighting that accompanies it. I knelt there, like I always use to, just there. Wishing that she could come back to me, just like always.

In someways, I find that funny. I have changed over the years, and I am who I no longer was. Perhaps I should be proud of that. But somehow, I'm inclined to think that I should be ashamed. I'm not a leader anymore-if I ever was. I carry no compassion, and I carry no pity. I should, for it is something that all Toa must have, but I have none. I've lost it, after all this I've seen, and now, even more than ever, I think, perhaps, I should have kept it.

I've become a shell, just a wisp of what I use to be. Mata Nui, if Nokama is watching me, I pray that she can forgive me. There is rain falling now-just like it had been when Nokama had died. It poured down from the heavens, and would not stop.

The thunder had raged on for hours, rumbling deeply, shaking the ground. It's hitting my armor, and though I hate the feeling of the rain, I do nothing. The soft tap of droplets as they fall down upon the stone graves it a soft rhythm, and somewhat comforting I guess.

Falling, falling like they always had….

_I wish I could come back to you  
Once again feel the rain  
Falling inside me  
Cleaning all that I've become_

_You are standing on the edge of a building, overlooking the Visorak hordes._

_Next to you, you are aware of your 'King' glazing satisfied down at the hordes. You, on the other hand pay no attention whatso ever to the Visorak-whom you now command-nor your supposed 'King'. _

_No, your attention lies on the streach of city behind the gates. _

_To the Forges of your old home, which are now layered with webs, and partly in ruins. You are aware that you cannot return there-not when you have betrayed your comrades. Nor can you save the Matoran, where you are like THIS. _

_You are a monster, no longer a Toa, but a deformed nightmare. You are a loner now, and you don't need your compainions help. They are foolish, sticking to their ideas of 'unity' and never appreciating you, for what you've tried to do. T_

_hey never cared. It was all your fault, as far as they were concerned. And, as far as you were concerned, you didn't need them. Let them see if they were so strong without you._

_You are running though the ruined city, and right now, you're beginning to regret your idea._

_You know Roodaka will find out-she always knows about you. But you don't really care about that. It doesn't matter what she says anyway. And your king? As if, you think, sneering at the thought. The man was an idiot, oblivious to almost everything. He wouldn't notice that you were gone for a few hours-you're sure of that. _

_Your senses are on high alert, and you notice everything. No creature passes you, without you knowing about it. The smells of the city, and the other animals fill your nostrils, and your ears are perked, and tuned for any sort of noise-from a scittering of a mouse, or a snuffling of another animal, to the breathing of a Makua. You could have heard any of it-did too, but that's not what you were listening for. _

_It's night time, and you can see everything-including the firelight that you are heading for. There's a stirring behind you, and suddenly, an intoxicating scent fills you. _

_Already, without looking, you know it's her. _

_"Vakama?" Her quiet voice asks you uncertainly. _

_You whirl around, an instinctive snarl on your lips as you face the girl that has been haunting your dreams for many, many nights. She stumbles back from you in surprise, alarm in her eyes. _

_"Vakama?" She asks again, her eyes worried. _

_You force away the snarl, and stand up, almost not believing that this is the girl you've been dreaming of. Almost shocked that she hasn't run away, or shouted that she hates you. You nod once, not quite trusting yourself. She looks at you, eyes disbelieving, until she raises one hand, reaching out to you. _

_You stiffen slightly, and she pauses, not quite certain if she should proceed. You stay frozen, holding your breath in your chest, as she approaches you, slowly stepping forwards, her hand reaching out still towards you. _

_Eventually, she reaches you, and her hand brushes softly over your deformed face. You flinch slightly at the contact, but savor the warm touch of another. She stares up at you, as if she believes that you'll disspear into the thin air before her. _

_"Vakama…Mata Nui, you look like a…" she struggled to find the right words, while you frown, and turn away. _

_So this is how she greeted you? Maybe you shouldn't have come in the first place._

_"Vakama!" she called out again, turning your face again, to meet hers. _

_"You look like a wolf…" She whispered, almost marveling at the fact, her hands tracing your face. _

_It makes you uncomfortable for her to be doing so, but somehow, you find the touch very…soothing. You close your eyes, and let her hands travel over your face. She didn't call you a monster, and not even the tone sounded like it meant that. And with the way she looked up at you like that…it was almost like she was seeing something beautiful. _

_Something in you twisted, and the courage you had kept till this point abandoned you, and you stepped away from her. How could she make you feel like this?! How could she see the beauty of you, like this!? _

_Before you left though, you gave her one thing. You had made it while you were bored and training the Visorak. You didn't bother to polish it, or do anything to it. It was to delicate to do anyway. _

_Besides, keeping it the way it was, was how you wanted it to be. You folded the item into her hands, before turning, and before she could call your name, you fled into the dark, returning the fortress._

_In her hands, was the one thing that she had been buried with._

_A metal rose._

_My home is far but the rest it lies so close  
With my long lost love under the black rose  
You told I had the eyes of a wolf  
Search them and find the beauty of the beast_

_You're standing there, next to your Ice brother, quiet. _

_He is bent over a newly dug grave, and his head is bowed. He is not crying-no, he will not cry. Not now at least. He is too proud to cry in front of someone-even you. _

_The younger girl that you had 'adopted' into your team died earlier that day. _

_There was a small burial, and that was that. Well, it would be. But she had grown on your brother Nuju, greatly. And even if she had not been there for a long time, there was no denying the fact that she impacted him greatly. _

_There are no words spoken from you to him, and he speaks nothing to the girl that is dead. _

_No one spoke at her burial, and no one spoke sympathy to the Toa of Ice. Too proud he was, to accept those words. _

_**'Death is the angel that saves us all. Why does she sing of an angel with broken wings? Now she no longer sings of the angel with the bloodied wings, and no longer will she wander though Hell.'** _

_Those were the words written on her grave-words she herself had spoken. _

_They were odd, you thought, and bitter. Words on graves were usually soft, and gentle, inspiring, or comforting. But these were neither._

_You rest a hand on your brothers shoulder, and murmur your apologies, before leaving him alone to grieve._

_All of my songs can only be composed of the greatest of pains  
Every single verse can only be born of the greatest of wishes  
I wish I had one more night to live_

_After you returned to your brothers, you thought that your actions were unforgivable, and nothing could right them again. _

_Even if they forgave you-which all of them did, firmly. You still didn't believe that it was enough. You didn't think you were worthy. You weren't though. If you betrayed them once, how could they ever trust you again? _

_You didn't get it-but Nokama had simply shaken her head. She had smiled at you, rested her head on your shoulder, and told you simply to stop worrying._

_They trusted you, she said, because you were their brother, no matter what. _

_Because you were their teammate, and she didn't blame you. They were all monsters she reminded you. It wasn't your fault. Any one could have done the same thing, she reminded you. _

_Though it didn't completely make you feel better, it defiantly helped you, and gave you the feeling of peace with that demon. _

_But, even after you made peace with you demons, after your light died, they sprang up again in you-in different forms. Guilt. Anger. What if she had died because she didn't trust you?_

_What if you could have saved her? _

_What if her dying was all your fault? _

_Again and again, as you sat there next to her grave, you wondered those things. _

_Again and again you pleaded they were not true, as you swallowed your pain down, as you worked yourself to the brink of death. Trying to ignore the fact that now life seemed only to be hell._

_A saint blessed me, drank me deeply  
Spitting out the misery in me  
Still a sinner rapes a thousand saints  
Sharing the same hell with me_

_This was insane, you told yourself again and again. _

_You had said that every night, every time it happened. _

_This wasn't a good idea. You shouldn't be doing this. Someone will catch you. She wouldn't want you to do this. _

_This isn't like you. Again, and again, over and over, those protests and more invaded your mind, as you tried to stop yourself, but in the end, the same thing would happen. _

_You would push those thoughts away, thinking 'Just this once. Just one more time' _

_This was beyond wrong, and immoral. This was just sick. _

_What were you DOING!? _

_Helpless tears slipped down your face, as again you tried to force them away. _

_It trailed down your arm again, gently._

_It hurt a little as it ripped open, but it didn't matter, as soon as you saw the blood flow down your arm. _

_You were sick, you told yourself helplessly, disgusted. You shouldn't be doing this. You were better than this. Or….at least, you had been._

_Sanest choice in this insane world:  
Beware the beast but enjoy the feast he offers_

You couldn't take this anymore.

This place was too dark. Too confining. You couldn't bear it.

And more than that, almost everything reminded you of HER. You had to leave.

You had packed up, not even saying a word of it to anyone. They would only try to stop you, trying to convince you to come back, speaking to you in that tone as if you were a frightened animal.

Give you that look of pity, or of concern, as if you were breakable, or were something that could easily be destroyed.

You left, never giving the city one look back. As you left, pain and freedom mixed and bloomed in your heart. You left your home behind, you left your love. But you released the demons in you, that were slowly eating away at you.

Perhaps there might have been another way to solve this, but it was too late now. There was no turning back, and there was no way you were going to. Not now. Not when you finally felt like the darkness was leaving. You left, running now, into the dark. Not looking back. Never looking back, trying to escape from this insane world.

_Sanest choice in this insane world:  
Beware the beast but enjoy the feast he offers_

The rain is still falling…Mata Nui it is cold.

The rain is pouring now-you can barely see though it. I'm soaked and freezing now-but I don't really mind. I'm already mostly numb.

Ah, this place brings back so many memories. So many songs should have been sung about those times. Perhaps they were. I don't know. As soon as I left I wouldn't look back. That was my policy then on. Never look back-not even once. It had been. Until today.

I came back. I came back, because somehow, I know that I'm not going to be able to look back anymore. It's dark now-the rain seems to be almost like silver in the dark. I'm still kneeling here, next to her.

Mata Nui, how I miss her. I never really thought of it for a long time-I didn't want to. I was running from the past, all this time. I wish I could go back now, visit all those places I've seen.

But it's already too late-I know that. I've known that ever since I came here-or at least part of me did. Ironic, isn't it? I always thought that I would die, and it would be inside-warm. Quiet. Not like this. But, even more ironic, this is how she died. She died in a storm-lightning was flashing, and thunder crackling-like now.

I wouldn't want to die another way, I guess. I'm next to her. And I'm not afraid to die-I haven't been. I welcome it-and all that it has to give me.

A smile touches my face, before the next thing I know, is a soft gentle blackness.

_All of my songs can only be composed of the greatest of pains  
Every single verse can only be born of the greatest of wishes  
_

"Vakama…." Her voice is soft, breathing on my ear.

"Come home…" she whispers to me. It's not cold anymore, I muse. I'm aware of the feeling of arms surrounding me, pulling me up wards.

"So long…you've waited so long…" she says sadly, whispering softly to me.

"Come home Vakama." She tells me, and suddenly, I feel like I'm flying.

"Come home, my love."

_I wish I had one more night to live_

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**Ok…that was weird. I don't like the beginning, but whatever. I really kinda liked this…it was a little OOC, I shall admit, but I don't really care at this point. I'm tired, I have depression issues, suffering writers block, GIVE ME A FREAKIN BREAK!!! yes, and the flashbacks are in a different POV than the rest of the story. Again, give me a break!**

**Ok, yeah, I'm done. PLEASE review. I need some feedback T-T**


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